(The following contains excerpts of an address I gave to my church congregation a few weeks back)
David Blandenhorn the author of Fatherless America stated,
“Today, American society is fundamentally divided and ambivalent about the fatherhood idea. Some people do not even remember it. Others are offended by it. Others, including more than a few family scholars, neglect it or disdain it. Many others are not especially opposed to it, nor are they especially committed to it. Many people wish we could act on it, but believe that our society simply no longer can or will.”
Sadly, I think my feelings at one time fit in this very scary description of society’s current beliefs towards “the fatherhood idea.”
I believed that I could do it all. After all I was a woman. Of course I could work, birth the children, repair the sink, clean the house, make the meals, open my own door, do the shopping, fix the cars, and everything else. Not only could I do it all but I could certainly do it better than my husband.
Over the last 3 years my beliefs and feelings about the subject have very slowly changed.
I have realized that my attitude toward men and my prideful beliefs about the superiority of woman was likely going to cause unrepairable damage to my marriage, children, and posterity.
How would this attitude make my husband feel? If I could do everything and do it better than him… well really why was he even here? Was all he really good for a sperm? The pattern I was creating was only going to add to the culture of a “Fatherless America“.
My heart sank.
I hated to think of how the way I treated my husband possibly made him feel unneeded or unnecessary. This was not what I wanted for my family or my posterity.
I now strongly believe that fatherhood is a role that should be honored and remembered.
An apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints stated in his most recent worldwide conference address,
“We believe that far from being superfluous, fathers are unique and irreplaceable”
The roles of fathers and mothers are defined in The Family: A Proclamation to the World:
“By divine design, Fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”
The proclamation goes on to say:
“We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets”
As woman we are strong. We are talented. We are capable.
And although I recognize this I believe that we as woman are taking this too far. I feel that we overstep (often). We are making our men feel replaceable and unnecessary.
I am determined to not allow these prideful ideas to infect my home. I will do my very best to create a pattern in my family that honors and celebrates fatherhood, one that will make the men in my family feel NEEDED, IMPORTANT, and IRREPLACEABLE.
I will tell you that my best example has been my dear sweet husband. He has “always given me wings to fly”. With constant trust and love he has provided me with the confidence to fulfill more than I ever could have dreamed I would.
As I have begun trusting my husband to be the Father of our family I have been greatly humbled to watch him flourish in his roles.
Because he feels needed in our home and family his confidence has greatly increased. He feels valued and needed. I love watching his face as I allow him to open my door or to watch as he cares for our children without any pointers or instruction from me.
I have come to see that he is most certainly a 100 times greater husband and father than I could ever be!
Thank you for being an honorable and loving father and husband. Without you, our family would be incomplete and broken at best.
I need you. Our kids need you. You are irreplaceable. I trust you with our children, our home, and my heart.
Always and Forever yours,